Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
