So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
