I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Drake has all the answers
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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