She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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