did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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