Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
