I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
