Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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