youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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