we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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