Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
