If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
