My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
