Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
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Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
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