Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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