You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
