When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
