He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
