I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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