Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
