just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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