So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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