so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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