I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
