Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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