The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
