she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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