sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
worst night to have a conscience
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
