Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
