Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
