Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Me too!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
