oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
