it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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