You can't motorboat a personality
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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