i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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