If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
