new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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