So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
