We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
