we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
