I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
