Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
