The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
