its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
