I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The uberlube is also flammable
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
