i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
