$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
