did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
