Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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