ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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