I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
