i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
