Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
