I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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