Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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