Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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