You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
