Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
