some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
