I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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