the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
